May 22nd 2017
I have been asking for days for a sign if writing was my calling/if I was cut out to be a writer. I kept seeing turkeys but I didn’t know what they meant. They had split meanings according to the internet. It either meant “be grateful for what you have” or “abundance and generosity” I didn’t know if I was to be grateful for what I had (despite me being depressed and miserable at my job, I still had a job) or if writing would bring me abundance and generosity. So I asked for further clarification. I just didn’t understand the message they kept sending me.
Last night as I went to bed, I grabbed my quartz, put in my headphones and listened to some meditation music. I asked for more clarity and guidance. A friend had put doubt in my mind if I could cut it as an author. So I wanted an answer: is it a hobby or will it become more?
Today on my way home from work, what my friend said was at the forefront of my mind. I kept thinking about how my current story, in her opinion, didn’t really cut it. It didn’t have the potential but other stories I’ve written did. I drove home obsessing about what she said and thinking about my young adult story finished but not submitted to agencies. I thought about reworking the title. I thought about going home and writing a query letter. I thought about reediting the story, seriously this time. And the most striking of all, is I thought about printing it out and actually sending a mail copy out to a literary agent I would love to represent me. The whole time I’m thinking about this, I’m listening to my Pandora channel. The typical house music/techno music/remix music. And when I was most caught off guard, sitting at a stop light, thinking about tweeting Marissa Meyer what her word count was for Cinder, Hakuna Matata comes on Pandora. The song immediately stands out to me because the channel I’m listening to is TECHNO, HOUSE and REMIX music. Lion King has no business being played on this channel. But instant happiness fills me anyway because Lion King is my favorite. One summer I watched it every. Single. Day. But as the song played, I realize the significance of this specific song. THIS is my message from them. THIS is my clarification for the turkey message that I didn’t understand. Everything was going to be alright. It was going to work out in the end. Pumba had it rough in the beginning, but he found friends and love and a wonderful, beautiful life. I was going to have that. And that was all I needed to know.
This darkness is going to pass. I will get what I desire in life: which is I want to be an author. I will be an author. Because it is meant to be mine.
Thank you. Thank you for your guidance, reassurance, support and love. I truly, madly, deeply needed a reply and I am honored you gave me one. Thank you. And I forever love you all.
May 23rd 2017
Last night, after receiving my clarification from my guides and the universe, I decided to print out the first 57 pages of my young adult story. I wanted to sit down, pen to paper, and edit it. Trying to edit on the computer is a little harder for me to accomplish and I wanted to take this as seriously as possible. I went to Staples, printed out the 57 pages, bought some red pens and a clipboard, then went home and got to work. Jill Grinberg Literary Management is the company that represents my favorite young adult series: The Lunar Chronicles. It would be a dream come true if they decided to represent me. Although at this point, I would be honored if anyone wanted to represent me.
I read through about halfway of the 57 pages last night. I crossed out some sentences, wrote some sentences, changed wordings here and there. Overall, I felt pretty good about the work I had done so far. The hardest part will be writing the query letter. But I will worry about that later, when the time comes for it.
I went to bed feeling pretty good about myself; I felt proud of myself and excited for what was to come.
This morning, I drove my younger brother into work. It was our typical drive in; silent in the beginning because we’re both still waking up. Then as we got closer to his work place, we started to get chatty with one another. I really enjoy our morning drive; it brings me happiness spending that one on one time with him. As we reached the entrance to his work place we see a freakin’ turkey (I just want to point out, I rarely see turkeys even during mating season. That’s how I knew they were my intended message; I saw a turkey each time I asked for a sign if I was meant to write). This male turkey was just chilling at the entrance (on my side, mind you), plucking at some grass, minding his own business. And as we turned into the entrance, the turkey watched us, almost as if to say “So you finally get the message now, don’t you?”
My brother made a comment about how it was interesting there was only one turkey by himself because typically there is multiple at a time. And almost as if on cue, we spot two turkeys up ahead. And one of the turkeys was crossing the road, taking his sweet ass time. “You finally get the message, don’t you?” Head bobbing as he made his way towards the other side of the road. He joined his friend and I just could not believe it. I wanted to laugh from the absurdity of it all. I wanted to cry from the happiness it brought me. These turkeys merely solidified the message I received last night. Repeating the original message not even 24 hours after receiving the clarification message. It was amazing.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I truly needed these messages. I needed to know the answers. I was so desperate, I didn’t care what the message was, I needed an answer. If I wasn’t meant to be an author, let me know. If it was my destiny to be an author, let me know. And I received the message. Loud and clear, mind you.
I asked to receive an answer; I asked to receive guidance. I received it. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for answering. Thank you for your love and support. I will persevere. I will keep trucking along. I know I will get what I want. I need to work diligently. And I need to be patient.
Thank you so much for answering my pleas. I promise to make you proud.